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擅宇间June 03 Adirondack-面朝大海,春暖花开January 27 The View between NJ and PAJanuary 10 Fabulous Transits-Case Study for the Year in Infrastructure-11. Yokohama International Port Terminal, Japan Reasons of fabulosity:
January 05 灭. 觉. 醒‘I don't think you are looking for me.' she said.
'The biggest fucking cliche I have ever heard.' I replied, with smile. ‘but I know'.
该破灭的还是都破灭了。
早上起床前,分不清自己是否依旧还在昨晚的梦里。挣扎着睡去又醒来,醒来又睡去之间,有另一个自己对自己说,活该。
没错,从来都以为,水瓶座的极端恩宠让自己哪怕在生死关头都能有看破红尘般的超脱,所以一直不愿直视在那玻璃般的超脱下面,潜伏着的波涛汹涌;一直给予自己的虚假的希望与和平,其实是蓄谋那玻璃墙被洪流撞得粉碎那一刻的厚积薄发之痛,以及那痛绝之后的一句‘活该’所赐予的自己死而复生般的酣畅淋漓。
起床时,仿佛亲眼看着自己赤裸着从破裂的躯壳中完全觉醒,再也不用对外面的未加保护小心翼翼。
所以才叫不破不立。 January 03 All I want for New YearIt is at this very time of the year that makes the single newbies in the big apple realize how 'new' and 'single' they actually are. When all your colleages are gradually gone for vacation or family; all your married friends are back to their warm and cozy homes to be with their wives and husbands; and all of your three new single friends have their own separate gigs none of which you will fit in; even the museums, the bars and the supermarkets in Chinatown are shut down. All of a sudden it occurred to you like an epiphany, damn, I am very single in the New York City!
People say in New York, solitary is like body armor, people wear it because they need the isolation from all the insanity and crowdedness from the surroundings, like in the forever funky subway stations and Friday night gay bars. I don’t know, I think it is a big myth. Come on, do people really come to a town with the most fierce density in the world to be alone? If there are people thinking that way I would say that’s a most idiotic idea ever. If you want to be left alone go to Alaska, or Texas or something. People come here because they want to be bothered by all the craze it has to offer, yet once they are here, they realize that the world is not at all about what they wish for, so they put on an act of pretending to have nothing to do with it, and they start to use all kinds of excuses to stay alone, mostly their busy schedules.But if so, then do people really come to the most realistic city in the world to evade from reality?
And I suppose I just might be one of those people.
I was woken up on the New Year morning by the regular loud and obnoxious bitching from my ninety-year-old (or seventy? whatever) never married (I assume so because I can’t imagine anyone putting up with his mean spirit) next door east European neighbor, complaining about the lights in his bathroom not working (or the girl living down the hallway playing music too loud the night before? can’t really remember). What a refreshing start of year 2009, Yeah! Happy New Year people I hate!
Unable to fall back to sleep, I got up and started checking my emails, trying to find some comfort from people I like, or at least not hate. Through years I have developed this habit of sending out greetings to everyone I know on New Year’s Eve every singe year, to remind people that I care about them, and more importantly, to remind them that I am still alive and kicking somewhere so hello, don’t you dare forget about me! But this year out of either laziness or my trying to find out do my people actually think of me without the hint, I did not send out anything; so hey apparently I am a little less popular than I predicted. Not a single new mail from my friends or family! Except the regular junks and spams from things like ‘meetup’ or ‘LinkedIn’, shouting ‘please reply to your friendship request blablabla…’ How frustrating! And what’s up with those ‘friendship’ sites anyways, like nowadays we human beings are not capable to reach out to others without the camouflage and access provided by the virtual tools? Oh wait, that’s exactly the life we are living now! Are we doing this because we are socially and emotionally ill-developed generations or just because we can? Have the tools disabled us or enabled us? I started to believe what professor Iwamoto said to me a long time ago, ‘tool is everything’. Indeed, whether we decide to use them or refuse them, it is all about them.
Ok a little distracted, back to the topic. So what do I want for New Year? World peace of course! Nah, just kidding. Last year I wished for going back to single life and moving to New York, and now I am in New York, more single than ever. What more can I wish for? No idea. All I know is it is kinda bleak to end up like my very old and mean neighbor, bitching about nothingness one New year morning, just to remind people of their existence.
Aha, there I go, all I want for New Year is no more excuses. Oh what the hell, and world peace. 四分之一人生之不惑不做演员好多年,但在最近这场自己跟自己的对台戏里,我又仿佛在台上看着自己表演,也许是花了太多心思猜着剧情的发展而忽略了正在上演的故事情节,看得有点类似out of body experience,换句话说,是像做梦。
梦里自己站在流速很快的河边,提着竹篮,不知作何用处。身边很多人在用塑料盆打水。 赶紧低头看看自己的竹篮子,果然是没有打到水。于是有点惊恐,作拼命打水状,依然收效甚微。 打水的众人见状,纷纷掩面窃笑。一瞬间的失落感近乎恐惧。然后自责,为什么自己竟带着竹篮,为什么不跟其他人一样用塑料盆。众目睽睽之下,自责转而化作愤恨,促使我把竹篮一口气砸烂,拆散。正在我既将转身离开的时候, 突然看到竹篮的碎片中,竟然闪着几粒金沙!于是恍然大悟, 因为只见到周围人都在打水,竟然忘了自己来到河里的本来目的是淘金。
从梦的剧情中醒来才发觉原来自己在不知不觉中竟然经历了传说中的quater life crisis一幕, 且精准无误的发生在我期望中的人生四分之一处。 只是没有序章,没有尾声,没有先前想象的那么波澜壮阔,就这样在我做着梦的时候默默展开又戛然而止。于是瞬间之前几乎所有的迷惑不解都一笑了之。
现在才明白,做人不可以留给自己过多时间去思考解,因为结局永远很搞笑,难怪上帝会发笑,我自己都在笑。 |
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